toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
