Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
