Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
