FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
