I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
