I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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