I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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