You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
