I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
