i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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