We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
