i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
