Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
