8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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