I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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