That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
