What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
