I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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