I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
