Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
