remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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