Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
