Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
