PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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