your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
