Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
