I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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