dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
