"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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