I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
