Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
