Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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