Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
