No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
