you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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