everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
