I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
