After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize