WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
