wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
