at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found your dick twin last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
