He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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