U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
