I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
