No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
