We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
