if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
