Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
