I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
