Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
