I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
