note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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