I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
