im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
accomplished twins. life is a go
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
