We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
