you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
