I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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