well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
