i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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