i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize