just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
