I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
