oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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