what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
