just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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