I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
