Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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