my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
